Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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