I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
