tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
