the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
