The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
