I got her a Nickelback box set.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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