I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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