I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
