I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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