FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
