Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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