Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize