just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
