Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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