Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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