u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My feet surprised me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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