what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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