There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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