i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
