You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
