I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
