My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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