Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
