bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
