It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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