My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He better not be in your backpack
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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