I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
