so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i out mim tonsoeep
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