I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
