the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
