It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
