fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
