so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
