My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
