omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
