Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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