I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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