Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This house was built for laser tag.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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