her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
