woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
