i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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