The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
