drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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