Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
