Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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