If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize