someone get that fucking seahorse.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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