new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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