id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
