Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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