I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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