So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize