Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
