hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
