we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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