I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
