there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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