Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
