yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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