He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
