just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
