Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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