i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
