oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
