I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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