you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
