I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
did i just pee glitter
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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