Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
