You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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