i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
