id be glad to
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Alive.
So much puke
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize