sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
