remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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