please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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